ignoring the fact that this is my first post in, almost exactly, a year.. i couldn’t let this new year’s eve go by without writing something.
i miss blogging, i miss picture taking! i wish i could say that this is a turning point for me here on current outfit, a new fresh start for the upcoming year.. but i have to say that i already know it probably won’t be.
2018 was, i think, the hardest year i’ve ever had. there have been some hard ones in my lifetime so far, but this past year was.. a real doozy. the beginning of 2018 was a real struggle for me with depression, i felt very hopeless and lost. i had a lot of new responsibilities i don’t think i was quite ready for, which sent me into a bad downwards spiral. once i was starting to feel a bit better my mom was diagnosed with lung cancer in july, and in november, right before thanksgiving, i lost her.. which has made what is usually my favorite time of year.. christmas, new years, the wintry holidays.. just somber and sad and not as full of light and excitement as it has been.
but even so, i am hopeful for the new year. i am hopeful for 2019. i am hopeful for all the new beginnings i have coming my way. i know it’s going to be hard, i know i am going to experience a whole year of firsts without my mom by my side. it’s going to be scary and unknown and probably a bit of a struggle, but i am still so hopeful that this coming year is going to be a good one.
more importantly, experiencing a loss like i have also really puts things into perspective for you. yes, i am grieving and yes, i am sad.. but i am also so very thankful for the people i still have in my life. for the family i still have.. for the wonderful people who are still with me. and two of the most important of those are my girls..
they have been my rocks, my sanity. they’ve saved me more times than i can count. they are the best people in the world and while this year leaves me feeling like i have a little less to celebrate, they are the ones i raise my glass to.. and have been, for many many years.
so here’s to 2019. i hope it’s full of joy and happiness and new beginnings for everyone, including me.
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